I am so tired of the battle!
Things are quiet in my life as far as big things; we had just had a nice quiet vacation, our children and grandchildren are all healthy and doing fine. That’s when the enemy likes to attack the mind though; in the quiet and empty times. Restlessness begins to set in and my mind starts to stress and worry about the little things:
- Should I be doing more?
- Should I be more?
- What business do I have doing the things I am when there are others who are so much better at it?
- Why did so and so say that?
- Why didn’t so and so talk to me?
- Am I helping my children too much; not enough?
- Do my grandchildren love me?
This is when the anxiety ramps up and I start obsessing about the same things over and over; examining and re-examining and my emotions begin to spiral down. Fear, sadness, guilt, frustration, worry all worm their way in and out of my mind driving me to distraction and an inability to focus, make decisions and follow God’s will for my life today!
As a believer, I realize it’s the enemy attacking. I tell Satan to get lost! But my thoughts circle around again to the rhetoric and I am no further ahead.
So, finally, in desperation, I cry out to the Lord for help. I am so tired of this battle! Why can’t I shake free?
A thought comes, quiet but firm. You are still focusing on yourself! “Think on Jesus.” the still small voice says, and so I do. I begin to repeat verses, praise Him and dwell on His love for me. Immediately what follows is peace and a quiet mind!
Oh how easily I forget where to focus my eyes and mind! Francis Chan calls it “spiritual amnesia”.
Even though things were good, I was tired. We’d had a long drive home and had gotten in late at night. The next day had been spent getting groceries, paying bills, doing laundry, visiting the grandsons and trying to plan for my husband’s upcoming birthday. In the midst of all that I had forgotten God; my quiet time with God. I had forgotten how vital that time is to my spiritual, emotional, mental and even physical well being. As a result my focus got skewed and turned inward.
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28 NIV
Have you ever been there, my friends? Lost in your own head which is full of a lot of garbage from what we see and hear (tv, social media, news, books, internet) and our own wrong perspectives? It can get pretty confusing and scary in there.
That’s why it is SO important to fill your days with:
- the Word of God
- dwelling on His goodness
- spending time in prayer talking to Him
- being quiet in His presence
- listening to praise and worship music
- talking to fellow believers
We need to constantly encourage each other in this. As John Donne said in his devotional book, “No man is an island, entire of itself”; we need each other. God planned us for community, as difficult as it can be at times.
I get tired of the battle, forgetting the battle is won! Jesus said on the cross, “It is finished.” Anyone who believes Jesus is the Son of God, who humbled Himself to dwell in human flesh and died for our sins has victory over the battle! I need to remind myself everyday, sometimes every minute of this truth and turn to my Victor for rest.
“For everyone born of God overcomes the world, This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith. Who is it that overcomes the world? Only he who believes that Jesus is the Son of God.” 1 John 5:4-5 NIV
“And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Phillipians 4:7 NIV
Keep your eyes on Jesus, friends! As my sister used to say, to my one son when he was growing up, “Focus, focus, focus!”. Be diligent because the enemy is lurking waiting for an opportunity to attack. I am praying for you!