I have been silent for the past month because our family suffered a tragic loss. Processing loss takes a lot of energy and head space. No words, only tears and a deep, deep ache.

Words departed and grief took their place, that strange beast which changes colours with each visit. We grieve not for what was, and long for again, but what we dreamed would be, longed for and looked forward to.  

Coming out of grief is like a butterfly battling out of the cocoon. In the cocoon is darkness, discomfort, a struggle to leave, and a need for rest.

In our grieving, we also need to allow ourselves time to rest, physically, emotionally, mentally, and most important, spiritually. I believe emotional pain is the most exhausting type of pain. It drains us physically, fogs our brains and causes us to examine our faith.

While physical rest and allowing ourselves to feel the pain and pour it out helps us process it, solid spiritual ground enables us to move forward in hope.

“And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.”

Romans 5:5 NIV

Without hope, there is only confusion, anger, and ultimately despair.

It’s tempting to ask why, when the unexpected, the tragic, the inconceivable, or seemingly illogical, happen. The promise isn’t fulfilled, the prayers have fallen flat, and the innocent suffer.

But God.

Recently, I became curious about what astronomers call dark matter. This led to learning about dark energy and the recent findings by the Hubble, and James Webb, telescopes. Some rabbit holes are fascinating and faith-affirming.

All that we are, see and interact with only makes up 5% of the entire mass of the universe. The other 95% is dark matter and dark energy, which are invisible. Astronomers don’t know what it is or how it works, only what it does. Dark energy affects the expansion rate of the galaxy, and dark matter affects the gravity around planets and stars; theoretically. The Hubble telescope showed an anomaly in the present understanding of the universe’s expansion rate and the theory of gravity, and recently the James Webb telescope confirmed it.

To simplify, astronomers don’t know what they thought they did and need to start over. Like our planet, their theories and science have tilted. The universe is beyond their understanding. Their knowledge is finite. They can’t explain dark matter or how the universe works. All they can do is guess and extrapolate. This makes me smile because it proves that God is so much more than us mere mortals. We think we know all the answers, the whys and the how-tos, but we have limited brains and only use 10% of what we have.

Our Creator God orchestrates planets and galaxies, of which there are billions. The LORD is limitless and eternal. He sees the whole enormous picture and knows the reason for all things. He knows how the galaxies work because He made them. There is a reason for everything, and He is in control of it all.

We may not understand the why, but we can know the Who. Because He came as an innocent baby, grew in obedience as an example, died to pay our penalty and rose again, to make a way for us to be with Him. Jesus Christ, God incarnate. And He left us the gift of the Holy Spirit, the Comforter, to those who believe.

This is our hope, our solid ground, no matter what comes our way. When you know Jesus, you know God. He is a good Father, the perfect Father. And even if we can’t see the reason, we can trust that He has a good one, because He loves us with pure, perfect love. In our deep groanings, confusion and exhaustion, we can cling to His promises and rest in His presence.

He understands. Jesus wept, even though he knew he would raise Lazarus up. He experienced our pain and sorrow, purposely, because He cares. Amazing love, unending grace!

Are you in a time of confusion, questions, pain, and hopelessness? Does it feel like a heavy stone hangs from a rope around your neck? Do your insides feel like they are being squeezed by a vice of failure? Is your head pulsing with sorrow, and tomorrow feels too heavy to bear? Then look to Jesus!

The Lord has his hand on your shoulder. He prepares the way ahead and protects us from the past. His life and death provide us access to the Father so his grace extends and pours over us. Because of this grief is an impotent beast, nothing but a mewling, hissing cat that incurs a deep scratch. It hurts, but we have the strength to move on in the promise of restoration.

“You have nothing to fear because the LORD is with you; don’t despair, for He is your God. He will strengthen you and help you, he will uphold you with his righteous right hand.”

Paraphrased from Isaiah 41:10

Even though you feel the presence and pressure of dark matter, the Lord will never leave you alone. He will provide his grace to endure, and such overwhelming, beautiful grace it is!

Dear hearts, let’s face the new year ahead with expectant hearts knowing our Good Father goes before us, is present with us and guards our back.

Be well!

Patricia