Suffering is hard. Watching someone you love suffer is also. Are you carrying a second-hand burden?

Are you trying your best to ease your loved one’s suffering and smooth out their path? Does it feel like you are caught in strong spiderwebs? You ache to relieve their pain, help them walk, sit or lie down without limitation. As you stand close by while they struggle to do activities they long to, it’s like balancing on a tightrope—do you step forward or stay? Part of you longs to do it all for them, but they don’t want that, plus it isn’t helpful. They need to do what they can for their mental and physical health.

My husband has been suffering from progressively worsening chronic pain for over two years. He’s had blood tests, x-rays, MRIs, ultrasounds, injections, physio, chiropractors and so on, but no answer, and no relief.

The extra load of work is tiring. I want to have a servant’s heart, but sometimes my selfish heart raises its ugly head and bitterness oozes out of my lips with a sharp response or sarcastic comment. Soon after, shame rushes in, accusing me.

“Christian? Pah! You’re a poser. You’ll never measure up.”

Your heart breaks in a new way. Frustration, with yourself and the situation, rises like a boiling cauldron spilling over, and hot tears flow.

“I can’t do this alone, Lord!”

“Then don’t.” He whispers. “I am right here.”

Breathe deep, my friend, we are never forsaken or forgotten. Trials are called trials for a reason. It’s a time of testing and growing closer to, and more like, our beautiful Saviour.

He understands:

• He was also tested. Luke 22:44
• He wept. John 11:35
• He groaned inwardly. John 11:38
• He was troubled in spirit. John 13:21.
• He endured pain. Luke 22:44, John 19:1-3, Matthew 27:35.

Our Lord came as a suffering servant. As we long to ease our loved one’s burdens, he longs to ease ours, if we’ll let him. But like those suffering, we must do what we can to stay healthy.

The Lord doesn’t promise to do it for us, but WITH us. As we lean into him, he strengthens us for the next day, one hour at a time.

Will we falter? Most likely. We are not perfect, but we continue to strive toward that goal by the grace of God.

“Not that I have already obtained this or am already made perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own.”

Philippians 3:12 ESV

Life is a journey, a process. The burdened are learning, and those of us bearing second-hand burdens are as well. It’s a matter of focus.

The medical professionals were focused on my husband’s back because he had a history of back pain. But it wasn’t normal back pain. Finally, on a friend’s suggestion, and a neurologist’s concurrence, we insisted on his hips being checked. The X-ray was ugly and explained his pain.

When our eyes and minds are focused on the wrong ideas, thoughts, and feelings, we stay stuck in our burdens and frustrations. Jesus said;

“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.”

Matthew 11:28 ESV

Turn, turn, turn! It is a constant battle to turn and focus on Jesus every day, hour and sometimes minute. Sisters, I want to spur you on to keep up the good fight and turn your physical and internal eyes to the glory of our Lord, and his overflowing, passionate love for you. He is waiting to put a shoulder to your second-hand burden and walk alongside you in it. I can’t think of a better companion for the journey.

Be well!

Patricia